VII. THE WHITE MAN’S FOOT
From his wanderings to the East
End,
From the regions west of Wapping,
From the Essex land of Ilford,
Westward now returned the Pillock,
The great traveller, the great
boaster,
Full of new prospective members,
Trustful all, the many females.
And the members of the circle
Listened to him as he told them
Of his marvellous adventures,
Full of awe, declaimed in this
wise:
“Gosh! It is indeed the Pillock!
No one else attracts such
females!”
He had seen, he said, a tavern
Bigger than the Railway Tavern,
Gayer than the Jolly Brewers,
Bitter such as none had tasted!
At each other looked the members,
Looked the drinkers at each other,
Smiled, and said, “It cannot be
so!
Garn!” they said, “It cannot be
so!”
Also, said he, in a snack bar
Was a great machine with pistons,
A machine with liquid steaming,
Hotter than the hottest tea urn,
Stronger than the strongest
coffee!
And the tea and coffee drinkers
Looked and tittered at each other.
“Coo!” they said, “we don’t
believe it!”
From its spout, he said, to warm one
Came a dark brown steaming liquid
Which the natives called espresso,
Stronger than the best Nescafe,
Tastier than Brooke Bond’s tea
bags.
“Cor!” they said, “what tales you
tell us!
Do not think that we believe
them!”
Only Hiawalpole laughed not,
But she gravely spoke and answered
To their doubting and their
jeering,
“True is all the Pillock tells us;
I have had it in a snack bar
From the great machine with
pistons,
Seen it warm the palest faces
From the regions east of Wapping,
And the far off land of Kilburn.
“Let us welcome, then, these strangers,
These prospective eastern members,
Hold out Barnet’s hand of
friendship
To them when they come to see us,
For they may have much to teach
us,
And we need some new blood in us,
Now before the old ones leave us
Like the withered leaves of Autumn!”
Hilariously used by Monty Python in the
Life of Brian, I defy anyone who knows Bright
Side of Life to avoid singing along with this
background music, written by Eric Idle (nudge,
nudge). If you want to hear the full wav. piece,
including the words, try:
http://www.mwscomp.com/movies/brian/brian.htm
and you will find it about ten lines down the page.