DOGGEREL, VERSE AND WORSE
[Click on the highlighted names to reveal a picture of the individual - of various vintages and a variety of quality. If you have a better picture you'd prefer to see substituted, please let us have it - as a j-peg please - and we will oblige.]
A thermostat expert named Lavey
With nonchalance learned in the navy,
When asked to test beef fer-
menting in a reefer
Said "No thanks, I like mine with gravy."
An accountant named Peter Molony
Was mildly inclined to boloney.
Then he spent half an hour
In the Post Office tower -
And now he is quite tele-phoney.
Peter John Molony may not be
The only SC man to travel steerage;
But certainly he's bound
To be the only one who can be found
Within the pages of Burke's Peerage.
A colonel of lofty disdain
Was asked why he lived on a crane.
That sapper named Poynder
Then made this rejoinder:
"I'm frightened to come down again."
"With tanks I will never disgrasia,"
Said Kulp. "But we've got to replasia"
We answered, "with thanks,
We'll divorce you from tanks
And give you instead South East Asia."
When Robert Kulp, with noisy gulp,
Referred to shipments of fruit pulp,
The atmosphere was palpable.
And when he said: "I meant we sent
The residue of sediment . . . ",
His colleagues thought it laughable.
So then he tried, with stubborn pride,
To hide the side which he denied
And merely turned excitable.
At which his mood got viewed as crude
And left no choice but to conclude
That Robert Kulp was culpable.
With reckless abandon Don Turner
Announced to an SCI earner:
"The world is your oyster
If you can just foist a
30 foot bulk on some learner."
In Scottish tradition Jim White
Is terribly stingy and tight.
If sent to Nantucket
He'll buy no Buss ticket.
He'll walk though it takes him all night.
Joe Sinclair is really quite sore
And complains that his height isn't more.
He says: "I'd give the earth
To achieve soixante-neuf,
But I never get past sixty-four."
If anyone dumber will
Replace John Somerwill,
There'd be a proclivity
To agents' inactivity.
It's hardly consoling
To think that he'd need less controlling.
Such talents has Nigel J. Tatham,
A pity to just dissipate 'em,
With no new advances
Of ship leasing chances,
We'll just be obliged to create 'em.
Alas, alack poor Cyril Knowles;
They've shot his manual full of holes.
The IICL can't be trusted
To fix a roof that's really rusted.
To solve the plight of David Tingle
Needs a mind that's truly single.
The Security Council of the United Nations
Has questioned the sanctity of ISO regulations.
With welcome single-mindedness John Witton
Has proved himself a truly worthy Briton;
The idle rate of the United States
Has finally submerged without a trace.
Is very fond of treacle;
Which makes her the perfect soul
To handle that very sticky box control.
Knowing nothing of life's tragic stings,
He left North Row on happy magic wings.
Alas, arrived at Park Street, David Young
Suddenly discovered he'd been stung.
In business big Jim Sherwood
Is tough as Quentin Durward.
The only vexations
Come from personal relations.
With Scandinavia young Andrew Evans
Is quite at home as in his school elevens;
Let's hope he doesn't lose his touch
In filling the requirements of Scandutch.
Please don't confuse Jim White with Monsieur Blanc,
He's more at home with vodka than with plonk;
Apart from which his world is hardly Gallic:
His symbols are more agricultural than phallic.
It is said that Rob Ward
Is eternally bored
At the constantly self-defeating
Monday morning meeting.
Cared more for hard work,
Gallic containerisation
Could be a sensation.
At the end of the day Don Turner
Would clearly rather be a charcoal burner;
He says leasing containers
Is just for sustainers.
By all accounts Bob Baird
Cannot be spared
By his betters
To chase debtors.
The plight of Evan Sakellarios
Is proving to be quite hilarios;
He thought he'd put stems
Down in Kingston-on-Thames
But found it was Kingston Ontarios.
I've heard it said of Simon Broad
That he has turned out quite a fraud;
The errors on his debtors' list
Were clearly caused when he was inebriated.
If there were fewer
like Malcolm Brewer,
The status quo could be restored
By getting more like Simon Broad.
We're sending Blaker
To the undertaker.
The spate of recent shipping line deceases
Clearly points a need to undertake new leases.
That worthy Ken Cooper
Is no party pooper;
He'll always toe the party line -
Except when Cedric Marie's using it.
(Which doesn't rhyme or scan, but what the hell,
You've surely got the meaning very well.)
[As produced for his Visitors' Book in Portland and repeated at his farewell party at the Savoy]
Re Ward:
Oh, what is there to say
About one who can work and play
In simply perfect harmonies?
Re Ward:
The words refuse to come
To mind so numb and lips so dumb
When thinking of his charm and ease.
Re Ward:
His kind and helpful ways
Will help one pass idyllic days:
he never fails to get things done.
Re Ward:
But let us spare his shame,
for he does not seek such acclaim
And virtue brings its own . . .
Re Ward . . .
B. Bennett, from his early years,
Was clearly never cursed by fears.
When Mama said: "Now Brian, pet,
You must not get yourself upset
By ghosties, ghoulies, nightly screams
That may appear to haunt your dreams."
Hed simply close his eyes awhile
And smile his beatific smile;
Then taking mental sword in hand
Prepare to battle with that band.
And so it was throughout his life
Which had more than its share of strife,
Until his courage earned reward
From Sea Containers mighty Board.
"He is the man for us," said Turner;
"Hell make a perfect SC earner.
With his great pluck he will go far.
Well send him to the Cte dIvoire."
"Thats good," said Jim, "My master plan
Calls for a man in Abidjan,
Where, midst the gaudiest bandannas
Hell no doubt drive himself bananas."
And as his courage met the test
It brought from Brian all the best
Of his intrepid skills galore
In Hydrabad and Singapore.
He boasted that twas no disgrace
For such as he to know his place:
[Midst gun and bomb in Zanzibar,
Or drugs and Dons in Bogot].
Alas the tides ran out and so
Behind a desk he had to go
Where hidden by the paper piles
Youd find him wreathed in friendly smiles,
Whilst proof-reading the latest gag
From GESeaCos in-house mag.
Subjunctive tense and plural noun
Produced no forehead-creasing frown
(For sure he never lost the case
In Lagos or some other place!)
*** *** *** ***
In years to come theyll tell the story
Of BEBs resounding glory.
