A MODERN CENSUS GENERAL

 

[With acknowledgements to Gilbert & Sullivans Modern Major General

but even more indebted to Tom Lehrers The Elements parody]

 

As performed at the Sea Containers Christmas Cabaret, 1974.  

[Click here to see the cast performing - for cast members see below]

[Some of the names are linked to pictures of the individuals.  These will be expanded as and when possible.  If you are able to provide further pictures, it would be greatly appreciated]

[If you are running sound, you will be able to follow the lyrics with background music - please note that there's a fairly lengthy introduction before the music fits the words]

 

Theres Bonny and McTaggart and theres Thomas and Bortoli;

Theres Brady, Bird and Brewer and theres Thomson and theres Murray;

Theres Broderick and Watters and theres Brown and Walsh and Buckingham;

Theres Butler and theres Chase, another Thomas, Ward and Robinson.

 

Theres Coy and Cray and Rayner and theres Daniels and Dabrowski;

Theres Darton, Gray and Davey and theres Davis and theres Donnelly;

Theres Ashby, Haynes and Barnes and there is Barnett and theres Barrow,

The last one I regret to say is leaving us tomorrow.

 

(The last one we regret to say is leaving us tomorrow

The last one we regret to say is leaving us tomorrow

The last one we regret to say is leaving us tomorrow)

 

Theres Cheetham and Clive-Smith and there is Sommerwill and Coleman;

Theres Cooper and theres Cooper-Smith and Cornwell and theres Ferriman;

In marketing, accountancy, control and engineering,

Theyre always so reliable and quietly persevering.

 

(In marketing, accountancy, control and engineering,

Theyre always so reliable and quietly persevering.)

 

Theres Richards and theres Routledge and theres Rochester and Riggs;

Theres Patterson and Parker, Peck and Picton and theres Wicks.  

Theres Doubleday and Smith and Dragonetti and theres Edney;

Theres Elliot and Evans, there is one more Smith and Hissey,  

 

Theres Francis, Burgon, Fruin, there is Galliers and Goodson;

Theres Gordon, Cornoch, Gornall, there is Gourlay and theres Wilson;

Theres Ford and there is Forshaw and theres Fox and Fish and Foster;

Theres even the original young lady from Gloucester.

 

(Theres even the original young lady from Gloucester

Theres even the original young lady from Gloucester

Theres even the original young lady from Gloucester)

 

Theres Iishiga and Jackson, there is James and there is Janeck;

Theres Jordon and theres King and there is Latham and theres Pollock;

In marketing, accountancy, control and engineering,

Theyre always so reliable and quietly persevering.

 

(In marketing, accountancy, control and engineering,

Theyre always so reliable and quietly persevering.)

 

Theres Henderson and Hesse and theres Hopkins and theres Stephens;

Theres Hughes and theres IAnson and theres yet another E-evans;

Theres Touyet and theres Boyle and there is Pascoe and theres Holden;

Theres Van Pelt and theres Charnock and theres Collins and theres Walton.

 

Theres Letts and Leitch and Carville and theres Woodhead and theres Lonergan;

Theres Marie, Marsh and Couttie and theres Whittam and theres Hartigan;

Theres Barry and theres Bavin and theres Stedham and Costello,

And one I will not mention cos I'm such a modest fellow.

 

(And one more we'll not mention cos hes such a modest fellow.

And one more we'll not mention cos hes such a modest fellow.

And one more we'll not mention cos hes such a modest fellow.)

 

Theres Beresford and Duce and Lavey, Fisher and theres Grundy;

Theres Haldane and theres Gunn and Turner, Taylor and OGrady,

In marketing, accountancy, control and engineering,

Theyre always so reliable and quietly persevering.

 

(In marketing, accountancy, control and engineering,

Theyre always so reliable and quietly persevering.)

 

Theres Skelton and Demosthenous and Low and there is Webber,

Theres Grolle, Swart and Woon and there is Hume and theres McGregor,

McKendrick and McNicholas and Mennecart and Nellist,

And Russell, Savva, Witton, Grant  and yet another Nellist.

 

Theres Crofton, George and Wheeler and theres Moody and theres Harrison;

Theres Walder, Moore and Mullen and theres Neale and there is Swainson;

Theres Pierce and Piers and Schoppmann, there is Ray and there is Purvis,

Our hats off to these people who are giving such good service.

 

(Our hats off to these people who are giving such good service

Our hats off to these people who are giving such good service

Our hats off to these people who are giving such good service)

 

Theres Etheridge and Koch and there is Papper and two Shadbolts,

The last five we rely upon to tighten up the nuts and bolts,

Im sure there is at least one other Sea Containers member,

And Id tell you who it is except I simply dont remember.

 

(Were sure there is at least one other Sea Containers member,

And wed tell you who it is except we simply dont remember.)

 

[Lyrics composed by Joe Sinclair.  Song performed by Rob Ward and Andrew Lavey, accompanied in the repetitions by the other members of the cast.  The cast (left to right in the photograph) John Witton, Andrew Lavey, Jeanne Stephens, Andrew Evans, Joe Sinclair, Norman Daniels, Rob Ward, Maggie Bortoli, Bernie Bird]