LASSIE COME HOME *

Ye parrots, monkeys, dogs and cats

And all ye other pet-made frats,

Take heed of what is here retold

That ye may never make so bold

To gain your master’s love – his wife

May break up all their married life.

For Lassie’s owner’s wife would grouse,

“He spends more time with dog than spouse,”

And to his wife who wished to snog,

He’d say “To love me, love my dog”.

With which retort of course, so crude,

Domestic turmoil then ensued.

And so to court, for decree nisi,

Where husband said, “It isn’t easy

To find time for both wife and dog,

Affairs would soon be in a fog.”

So he said, smiling at the court,

“Well then, judge, let’s have your report.”

Of course, the judge could but conclude

His fault lay in his lassie-tude.

London, March 1948

* The owner of the film dog, Lassie, was granted a divorce, with the dog cited as correspondent by his wife, who complained:  “He loves the dog more than he loves me.”