A MODERN CENSUS GENERAL

[With acknowledgements to Gilbert & Sullivan’s Modern Major General

but even more indebted to Tom Lehrer’s The Elements parody]

As performed at the Sea Containers Christmas Cabaret, 1974.  

[Click here to see the cast performing - for cast members see below]

[Some of the names are linked to pictures of the individuals.  These will be expanded as and when possible.  If you are able to provide further pictures, it would be greatly appreciated]

[If you are running sound, you will be able to follow the lyrics with background music - please note that there's a fairly lengthy introduction before the music fits the words]

There’s Bonny and McTaggart and there’s Thomas and Bortoli;

There’s Brady, Bird and Brewer and there’s Thomson and there’s Murray;

There’s Broderick and Watters and there’s Brown and Walsh and Buckingham;

There’s Butler and there’s Chase, another Thomas, Ward and Robinson.

There’s Coy and Cray and Rayner and there’s Daniels and Dabrowski;

There’s Darton, Gray and Davey and there’s Davis and there’s Donnelly;

There’s Ashby, Haynes and Barnes and there is Barnett and there’s Barrow,

The last one I regret to say is leaving us tomorrow.

(The last one we regret to say is leaving us tomorrow

The last one we regret to say is leaving us tomorrow

The last one we regret to say is leaving us tomorrow)

There’s Cheetham and Clive-Smith and there is Sommerwill and Coleman;

There’s Cooper and there’s Cooper-Smith and Cornwell and there’s Ferriman;

In marketing, accountancy, control and engineering,

They’re always so reliable and quietly persevering.

(In marketing, accountancy, control and engineering,

They’re always so reliable and quietly persevering.)

There’s Richards and there’s Routledge and there’s Rochester and Riggs;

There’s Patterson and Parker, Peck and Picton and there’s Wicks.  

There’s Doubleday and Smith and Dragonetti and there’s Edney;

There’s Elliot and Evans, there is one more Smith and Hissey,  

There’s Francis, Burgon, Fruin, there is Galliers and Goodson;

There’s Gordon, Cornoch, Gornall, there is Gourlay and there’s Wilson;

There’s Ford and there is Forshaw and there’s Fox and Fish and Foster;

There’s even the original young lady from Gloucester.

(There’s even the original young lady from Gloucester

There’s even the original young lady from Gloucester

There’s even the original young lady from Gloucester)

There’s Iishiga and Jackson, there is James and there is Janeck;

There’s Jordon and there’s King and there is Latham and there’s Pollock;

In marketing, accountancy, control and engineering,

They’re always so reliable and quietly persevering.

(In marketing, accountancy, control and engineering,

They’re always so reliable and quietly persevering.)

There’s Henderson and Hesse and there’s Hopkins and there’s Stephens;

There’s Hughes and there’s I’Anson and there’s yet another E-evans;

There’s Touyet and there’s Boyle and there is Pascoe and there’s Holden;

There’s Van Pelt and there’s Charnock and there’s Collins and there’s Walton.

There’s Letts and Leitch and Carville and there’s Woodhead and there’s Lonergan;

There’s Marie, Marsh and Couttie and there’s Whittam and there’s Hartigan;

There’s Barry and there’s Bavin and there’s Stedham and Costello,

And one I will not mention ‘cos I'm such a modest fellow.

(And one more we'll not mention ‘cos he’s such a modest fellow.

And one more we'll not mention ‘cos he’s such a modest fellow.

And one more we'll not mention ‘cos he’s such a modest fellow.)

There’s Beresford and Duce and Lavey, Fisher and there’s Grundy;

There’s Haldane and there’s Gunn and Turner, Taylor and O’Grady,

In marketing, accountancy, control and engineering,

They’re always so reliable and quietly persevering.

(In marketing, accountancy, control and engineering,

They’re always so reliable and quietly persevering.)

There’s Skelton and Demosthenous and Low and there is Webber,

There’s Grolle, Swart and Woon and there is Hume and there’s McGregor,

McKendrick and McNicholas and Mennecart and Nellist,

And Russell, Savva, Witton, Grant  and yet another Nellist.

There’s Crofton, George and Wheeler and there’s Moody and there’s Harrison;

There’s Walder, Moore and Mullen and there’s Neale and there is Swainson;

There’s Pierce and Piers and Schoppmann, there is Ray and there is Purvis,

Our hats off to these people who are giving such good service.

(Our hats off to these people who are giving such good service

Our hats off to these people who are giving such good service

Our hats off to these people who are giving such good service)

There’s Etheridge and Koch and there is Papper and two Shadbolts,

The last five we rely upon to tighten up the nuts and bolts,

I’m sure there is at least one other Sea Containers member,

And I’d tell you who it is except I simply don’t remember.

(We’re sure there is at least one other Sea Containers member,

And we’d tell you who it is except we simply don’t remember.)

[Lyrics composed by Joe Sinclair.  Song performed by Rob Ward and Andrew Lavey, accompanied in the repetitions by the other members of the cast.  The cast (left to right in the photograph) John Witton, Andrew Lavey, Jeanne Stephens, Andrew Evans, Joe Sinclair, Norman Daniels, Rob Ward, Maggie Bortoli, Bernie Bird]